Friday, January 22, 2010
Despair.
Despair is my goal. My only goal.
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/22/2010 05:03:00 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
3rd Morning...
3rd morning my mood got killed as soon as I woke up.
I don't want to know anything anymore. Please kill me or make me blind so I will never see things I don't wish to see...
I hate all of you...
~.Tags replies.~
♠miki: Ya... I got A... but pointless le...
I don't want to know anything anymore. Please kill me or make me blind so I will never see things I don't wish to see...
I hate all of you...
~.Tags replies.~
♠miki: Ya... I got A... but pointless le...
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/20/2010 06:32:00 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Loneliness.
My shadow is the only one who walks beside me.
Check my vital signs.
No, I'm still alive.
Check my vital signs.
No, I'm still alive.
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/19/2010 07:24:00 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Monday, January 18, 2010
So tired...
New week(my weekends sucked bad except for a few things, so don't ask) of school... suppose to finish at five de but I early dismiss myself, because the section head say de not my fault. Ask me go cut hair before I can go for my afternoon lessons. Hell no... I already cut it last week le. Any shorter I won't allow! Can't fucking grow a new haircut if I have to keep cutting it every time I start growing hair.
Rather quit school then let her cut le.
Bad start for the week. Very moody, very emo, nearly cried if I was weaker, end up I did not. Sorry to disappoint those who wants to see me cry. Getting better at controlling my tear ducts I guess, this morning felt really very cold in my heart even though the sunshine so hot. Keep having chest pains which has nothing to do with heart failure but the familar pains of heartache...
Reason? I'm not going to say here, I don't want someone to feel guilty, even if that person felt guilty so what? That changes nothing, the world still revolves around the sun, the sun still sets in the west & the moon still shines every night...
I really feel very tired. Not physically exhausted... but mentally. Tired of everything... Today in class doing work that time I want to just put down my pen and stop writing le... just close my eyes and sleep forever. Don't have to think, don't have to try, don't have to worry. A blank mind, a peaceful sleep, no dreams to think about. Nothing.
Sometimes I wonder... why do I have a blog for? I write I post, people read people forget. To them is just a form of entertainment... but to me, its a place where I open my heart out to. But for what reason do I open my heart out for? People still misunderstand my intentions, misjudge me unfairly, worst of all misunderstand my feelings for them.
Someone once told me this: "Seems like the people you like, actually have feelings for you too, but they don't tell you only."
In case you readers were wondering. Ironic isn't it? As this came from a girl who liked me... & did not say anything to me till- nevermind...
So what if they liked me? They never made their feelings known to me until its gone then they say.
What is it so hard for them to put aside pride and make their feelings known?
Girl confess to boy very paiseh? What kind of thinking is that? Then boy confess to girl not paiseh mah?'
Beneath that so called ' elephant skin' you think we boys have, we not paiseh also?
"Relationship isn't everything." my gan-mummy always say that to me, but without it life is boring & dull...
My one weakness is that I tend to put too much effort into a relationship that has yet to begin, open up too much to that person till all the cards in my hand show out le. Left with nothing up my sleeve this lose everything.
Perhaps I should revert to my more introvert self that I was during primary school... that way I can never feel any heartaches anymore... only the cold of loneliness which I'm so used to.
Nevermind, back to my day... anyways the day didn't continue smoothly... while I was heartaching, Meiyun (the ex that cost me the most heartache both emotionally & financially...) just had to call me for some absurd reason... she wanted her friends number for reasons I have already forgotten. Hearing her voice again was painful... knowing that now she so faithful to her boyfriend but when with me she was one hell of a S_ _ _.
I wanted to help her, but I cannot forget the pain she put me through... In the end I do not forgive & I do not forget. I picked a random number on my phone list, a twist of fate I random into Fion's number. I remembered she wanted to answer Meiyun's call that time during our blading trip @ ECP to give her a good scolding for the way she treated me after hearing what i told her. I can only hope she touched into Fion's nerve then there will be one hell of a show to watch. Lol...
An sms... who could it be... ah... someone just woke up... this person also another one that takes away my mood. Stayed up waiting for to play, end up so late then msg me. Made me sleep only 2 hours, nevermind. Wake up le, wanted to play, brb me until MIA... sua...
I'm just a come-&-go friend/standby boyfriend to these people I guess... Or I think I'm their friend, I feel more like a playtoy... when you all need me only will then spam my blog cbox, my Facebook status, chat with me on msn, msg me, ask me accompany you all chat on phone or go out together all that & I really hate myself for being so soft hearted to do what you all want... Play finish le throw one side...
Of course... my feelings not important... I also used to it le... you all wan play jiu play... don't wait till the day no more chance to play le then complain...
Times like this I really need someone to just be here for me... not console me... not scold the people who made me moody but to give me the love I need, make me feel that I don't have to face all my troubles alone...
And by saying that I don't mean you people who read finish this post le then come concern about me...
I made this post is not to plea for care & concern... I don't need fake sympathy.
One thing is for sure, my heart stop beating... & it will never beat again...
Rather quit school then let her cut le.
Bad start for the week. Very moody, very emo, nearly cried if I was weaker, end up I did not. Sorry to disappoint those who wants to see me cry. Getting better at controlling my tear ducts I guess, this morning felt really very cold in my heart even though the sunshine so hot. Keep having chest pains which has nothing to do with heart failure but the familar pains of heartache...
Reason? I'm not going to say here, I don't want someone to feel guilty, even if that person felt guilty so what? That changes nothing, the world still revolves around the sun, the sun still sets in the west & the moon still shines every night...
I really feel very tired. Not physically exhausted... but mentally. Tired of everything... Today in class doing work that time I want to just put down my pen and stop writing le... just close my eyes and sleep forever. Don't have to think, don't have to try, don't have to worry. A blank mind, a peaceful sleep, no dreams to think about. Nothing.
Sometimes I wonder... why do I have a blog for? I write I post, people read people forget. To them is just a form of entertainment... but to me, its a place where I open my heart out to. But for what reason do I open my heart out for? People still misunderstand my intentions, misjudge me unfairly, worst of all misunderstand my feelings for them.
Someone once told me this: "Seems like the people you like, actually have feelings for you too, but they don't tell you only."
In case you readers were wondering. Ironic isn't it? As this came from a girl who liked me... & did not say anything to me till- nevermind...
So what if they liked me? They never made their feelings known to me until its gone then they say.
What is it so hard for them to put aside pride and make their feelings known?
Girl confess to boy very paiseh? What kind of thinking is that? Then boy confess to girl not paiseh mah?'
Beneath that so called ' elephant skin' you think we boys have, we not paiseh also?
"Relationship isn't everything." my gan-mummy always say that to me, but without it life is boring & dull...
My one weakness is that I tend to put too much effort into a relationship that has yet to begin, open up too much to that person till all the cards in my hand show out le. Left with nothing up my sleeve this lose everything.
Perhaps I should revert to my more introvert self that I was during primary school... that way I can never feel any heartaches anymore... only the cold of loneliness which I'm so used to.
Nevermind, back to my day... anyways the day didn't continue smoothly... while I was heartaching, Meiyun (the ex that cost me the most heartache both emotionally & financially...) just had to call me for some absurd reason... she wanted her friends number for reasons I have already forgotten. Hearing her voice again was painful... knowing that now she so faithful to her boyfriend but when with me she was one hell of a S_ _ _.
I wanted to help her, but I cannot forget the pain she put me through... In the end I do not forgive & I do not forget. I picked a random number on my phone list, a twist of fate I random into Fion's number. I remembered she wanted to answer Meiyun's call that time during our blading trip @ ECP to give her a good scolding for the way she treated me after hearing what i told her. I can only hope she touched into Fion's nerve then there will be one hell of a show to watch. Lol...
An sms... who could it be... ah... someone just woke up... this person also another one that takes away my mood. Stayed up waiting for to play, end up so late then msg me. Made me sleep only 2 hours, nevermind. Wake up le, wanted to play, brb me until MIA... sua...
I'm just a come-&-go friend/standby boyfriend to these people I guess... Or I think I'm their friend, I feel more like a playtoy... when you all need me only will then spam my blog cbox, my Facebook status, chat with me on msn, msg me, ask me accompany you all chat on phone or go out together all that & I really hate myself for being so soft hearted to do what you all want... Play finish le throw one side...
Of course... my feelings not important... I also used to it le... you all wan play jiu play... don't wait till the day no more chance to play le then complain...
Times like this I really need someone to just be here for me... not console me... not scold the people who made me moody but to give me the love I need, make me feel that I don't have to face all my troubles alone...
And by saying that I don't mean you people who read finish this post le then come concern about me...
I made this post is not to plea for care & concern... I don't need fake sympathy.
One thing is for sure, my heart stop beating... & it will never beat again...
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/18/2010 03:21:00 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Friday, January 15, 2010
Blogging late night.
Eh heh heh heh... I'm blogging late night again.
Simply means that I took too long of a nap during the evening >.<
Ahhh... missed a few days of 'Xiang Wo Ni De Shou' le! Dam sad >.<
Nothing much to blog, later today going school after school go gym then cut hair.
Thought of changing my hairstyle. Hmmm... but scared it will turn out ugly. Nevermind I try and see how it will turn out bah ;D
Tomorrow meeting my Valerie mummy for movie! Hahas so long din see her since her 21st birthday till now :O
~.Tags replies.~
♠wendy: Thanks for the tagged! Tyty! Wasn't really expecting an A but oh well =D
♠deadgal: Hahas, got chance ask you out when he's around so you can test whether he is really 'ben ben' ornot XD
♠Renee: I never use the word 'idiot' wor. And I also never say its who ;P
Simply means that I took too long of a nap during the evening >.<
Ahhh... missed a few days of 'Xiang Wo Ni De Shou' le! Dam sad >.<
Nothing much to blog, later today going school after school go gym then cut hair.
Thought of changing my hairstyle. Hmmm... but scared it will turn out ugly. Nevermind I try and see how it will turn out bah ;D
Tomorrow meeting my Valerie mummy for movie! Hahas so long din see her since her 21st birthday till now :O
~.Tags replies.~
♠wendy: Thanks for the tagged! Tyty! Wasn't really expecting an A but oh well =D
♠deadgal: Hahas, got chance ask you out when he's around so you can test whether he is really 'ben ben' ornot XD
♠Renee: I never use the word 'idiot' wor. And I also never say its who ;P
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/15/2010 03:14:00 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Entrepreneur Project 2. A!!
Eh. So... I got A for my project 2. It's actually an improvement!
I wasn't really expecting an A, I was expecting an A- or even B+
But oh well, that shows that hard work does pay off.
Have been trying to tell that to someone who worst still, seems to be say one thing do one thing, say can handle the stress so overconfidently until the whole year didn't put in any effort only waited till last minute then mug for exams like crazy, gave ownself so much stress & say don't want to care about other things other then studies which is an obvious lie (who could have guess what that person was thinking anyways). In the end worry so much about results until the truth sinked into that person but... that person in my opinion is still wandering around aimlessly up till today. Oh well I don't pity people who expects results without any effort. Sorry but its my Virgo's nature to reveal the harsh reality to you ;P
In case you're wondering I'm not talking about 'ben ben'(lols) but someone else who took my words for granted more then once. If you(reader), don't fit the above description then 99.9% of course I'm not talking about you! ;P
Oh well forget it, what others want to do is their choice, not for me to decide anyways. Wahahaha!
So eh. Yeah I blog very late today because I took too long of an afternoon nap earlier... Zzz...
Suddenly just feel like laughing! Cause I remembered your laughter when I say 'ben ben' to you XD
Eh think too much till I forget what I wan to write le...
Nevermind later come home remember le then blog again :D
~.Tags replies.~
♠Yin: Hahas! Thanks la! Thanks for play Soduku with me too! Now I know how play the game le, can play my phone de :D My class so few chinese then also not very gum with them also... except only 2 bah but 1 quit the course le... *sad* :'(
♠deadgal: Ok! Hope to hear from you soon ^^
I wasn't really expecting an A, I was expecting an A- or even B+
But oh well, that shows that hard work does pay off.
Have been trying to tell that to someone who worst still, seems to be say one thing do one thing, say can handle the stress so overconfidently until the whole year didn't put in any effort only waited till last minute then mug for exams like crazy, gave ownself so much stress & say don't want to care about other things other then studies which is an obvious lie (who could have guess what that person was thinking anyways). In the end worry so much about results until the truth sinked into that person but... that person in my opinion is still wandering around aimlessly up till today. Oh well I don't pity people who expects results without any effort. Sorry but its my Virgo's nature to reveal the harsh reality to you ;P
In case you're wondering I'm not talking about 'ben ben'(lols) but someone else who took my words for granted more then once. If you(reader), don't fit the above description then 99.9% of course I'm not talking about you! ;P
Oh well forget it, what others want to do is their choice, not for me to decide anyways. Wahahaha!
So eh. Yeah I blog very late today because I took too long of an afternoon nap earlier... Zzz...
Suddenly just feel like laughing! Cause I remembered your laughter when I say 'ben ben' to you XD
Eh think too much till I forget what I wan to write le...
Nevermind later come home remember le then blog again :D
~.Tags replies.~
♠Yin: Hahas! Thanks la! Thanks for play Soduku with me too! Now I know how play the game le, can play my phone de :D My class so few chinese then also not very gum with them also... except only 2 bah but 1 quit the course le... *sad* :'(
♠deadgal: Ok! Hope to hear from you soon ^^
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/14/2010 03:45:00 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Really sians.
Hais, school is boring, life is getting dull, mood is becoming moody.
Whats with me? Hais. Why I can an wei other people except for myself?
~.Tags replies.~
♠Piggie: Thanks. But your concern never seem to last.
♠Yin: I online but you not automatic. Must I talk to you then you will talk to me. ~.~ Hais, so sians school getting from bad to worst. From bored to plain dead boring...
♠deadgal: Thats good. Meet up soon ok?
Whats with me? Hais. Why I can an wei other people except for myself?
~.Tags replies.~
♠Piggie: Thanks. But your concern never seem to last.
♠Yin: I online but you not automatic. Must I talk to you then you will talk to me. ~.~ Hais, so sians school getting from bad to worst. From bored to plain dead boring...
♠deadgal: Thats good. Meet up soon ok?
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/12/2010 10:00:00 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Monday, January 11, 2010
Old Dogs & dreams...
It's update time again! Last night had supper at Jalan Kayu & watched Old Dogs with my buddies. Quite a funny show, lots of funny moments, if you need a laugh go watch it ^^
Reached home around 3am+ bath & all... then accidently fell asleep on my desk. Been having dreams of you lately, woke up suddenly. Was emo for awhile but fine after that.
Game till about 2pm in the afternoon, too tired fell asleep. While sleeping I could have sworn that Piggy called me, pick up & listen but then the line cut off... Must be my stupid phone. Hais. Then have another 2 more weird dreams which by now I can only remember abit of it... -.-
But anyways blur blur sleep until about 8pm+ woke up... Oh my gosh!
One whole Sunday wasted sleeping >.<
Hais, I wish I can accompany her, even offered to go find her, but she wanted to be alone. Before she message me tell me what happen that time I already had a rough idea whats happening.
Cutting this post short. Just received a very strange message from her. And she's alone. Oh crap... that bad feeling is around... this is bad. Gotta go!
Will update & reply tags in my next post when possible.
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/11/2010 01:23:00 AM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Friday, January 8, 2010
Ah bored...
School today was boring. Although learn new things. But doesn't seem interesting.
This air-con module is boring as hell but cannot slack... March 3rd exam le.
I blame Mr Tan. His voice got hypnotic effect one, hear liao can zzz...
Ah I today slightly emo... whats with me? I thought I told myself I won't put too much feelings for everything le, yet still it happened without me noticing... hais.
But I'm glad I still got people concern for me, thanks piggy & CY! :)
Very was tired today, just woken up not long from my 'afternoon nap'.
Hungry now... but no mood to cook. Was thinking of whipping up some deserts I have in mind, but in this mood, better don't cook... sweet things confirm become bitter. Sua!
Thinking about next week go out with...
~.Tags replies.~
♠miki: EH? LOLS! That line you say like heard in a song before. Sounds familar sia... all the songs nice meh?
♠xiaowei: So violent! >.< But must catch into me 1st then can beat mah ;P Ha. See you soon :)
♠Yin: Same same lor... school is always boring. But dunno why come back this term even more boring then before. School have never been the same sinced- tell you on MSN when have a chance bah :)
This air-con module is boring as hell but cannot slack... March 3rd exam le.
I blame Mr Tan. His voice got hypnotic effect one, hear liao can zzz...
Ah I today slightly emo... whats with me? I thought I told myself I won't put too much feelings for everything le, yet still it happened without me noticing... hais.
But I'm glad I still got people concern for me, thanks piggy & CY! :)
Very was tired today, just woken up not long from my 'afternoon nap'.
Hungry now... but no mood to cook. Was thinking of whipping up some deserts I have in mind, but in this mood, better don't cook... sweet things confirm become bitter. Sua!
Thinking about next week go out with...
~.Tags replies.~
♠miki: EH? LOLS! That line you say like heard in a song before. Sounds familar sia... all the songs nice meh?
♠xiaowei: So violent! >.< But must catch into me 1st then can beat mah ;P Ha. See you soon :)
♠Yin: Same same lor... school is always boring. But dunno why come back this term even more boring then before. School have never been the same sinced- tell you on MSN when have a chance bah :)
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/08/2010 11:24:00 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Hmmm...
Eh. Ha. Ha. Ha. Eh...
I missed school for 3 days in a row >.>
Todays lesson is not purposely skip de!
Completely accidental one, I thought lessons is during afternoon... but its not timetable change so I tio fucked :S
Tomorrow 8am lessons must go liao, but considering whether to go the class BBQ after that anot.
Hiya, maybe I won't go bah. Let's see how things go bah. Very likely not!
Wahahaha!!
~.Tags replies.~
♠miki: I got online, but I online that time you not online so you din see into me nor. Which song you talking about?
♠Yin: Hello! Wah you very long no come tag my blog le leh. Now ITE last sem for you le right?! Hows school?!
I missed school for 3 days in a row >.>
Todays lesson is not purposely skip de!
Completely accidental one, I thought lessons is during afternoon... but its not timetable change so I tio fucked :S
Tomorrow 8am lessons must go liao, but considering whether to go the class BBQ after that anot.
Hiya, maybe I won't go bah. Let's see how things go bah. Very likely not!
Wahahaha!!
~.Tags replies.~
♠miki: I got online, but I online that time you not online so you din see into me nor. Which song you talking about?
♠Yin: Hello! Wah you very long no come tag my blog le leh. Now ITE last sem for you le right?! Hows school?!
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/06/2010 11:30:00 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010! Two Zero One Zero!
Happy New Year everyone!!
Hahas I just woke up only! 1st dream of 2010 made me sleep like a baby XD
What dream I have? Hahas! Don't tell you all leh!
For me to know for you all to find out :x
But on a serious note. Why is the dream about you?
I never thought I would dream of you... 1st time.
I guess 2010 is a new starts... anything can happen I guess.
But if so, I don't think I'm the guy for you.
You deserve better-
OH WELL! Its just a dream! Hahahahaha!
MISSON WAR TIME on CABALSEA!!
BYE!!
Happy 2010 everyone!!
~.Tags replies.~
♠Renee: At least I got update leh... You leh your blog machiam like dead :x
Hahas I just woke up only! 1st dream of 2010 made me sleep like a baby XD
What dream I have? Hahas! Don't tell you all leh!
For me to know for you all to find out :x
But on a serious note. Why is the dream about you?
I never thought I would dream of you... 1st time.
I guess 2010 is a new starts... anything can happen I guess.
But if so, I don't think I'm the guy for you.
You deserve better-
OH WELL! Its just a dream! Hahahahaha!
MISSON WAR TIME on CABALSEA!!
BYE!!
Happy 2010 everyone!!
~.Tags replies.~
♠Renee: At least I got update leh... You leh your blog machiam like dead :x
.~♠♥♦♣~.
Joker
Joker
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 1/01/2010 06:42:00 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words
